Your Life Over Mine
by A Certain Sparkly Warlock
Summary: Takes place after expedition outside the wall to Shignshina, contains spoilers for anything before that. Everybody carries their scars from that expedition, some carry them better than others. Both Levi and Eren bare the worst of those scars and it may be up to each other to heal them. I don't know how far I'm going with this so I'll keep it at a T until I write some M material
1. Prologue

It was never meant to happen this way. Our only objective was to capture a 5 meter class Eoten from the territory that used to be humanities, but now belonged to the Titans. The mission wasn't even important or dangerous enough to prohibit having Commander Erwin in charge, it was our first mission since the expedition where everything went wrong, our first mission since we'd met the female Titan. Levi was the one who lead the mission, eager to get another Titan for Hanji to use for her experiments, eager to find out as much as he could about his enemy. Eager to discover more about my Titan as well, although he never said it I knew that that was always on his mind. Even if he trusted me.

He would always say that my ability to turn into a Titan didn't matter to him. That he even began to trust me. That he knew I could control it after the countless days practising my 'ability' with both him and Hanji. I could never help but shake the feeling that there was more to it than what he was saying to me. I could never read into that stoic face and see behind those stone cold eyes that seemed to read into me. It unsettled me, it felt like a wall between us, the way he saw so much and showed so little.

I never understood how we matched, Levi and I. I have been told many a time that I am like an open book, I show every emotion on my face but Levi shows nothing, whenever I'm with him I'm met with either that impassive gaze, or that look. That look that makes you feel as if his amazingly grey eyes were drilling a hole into your soul and spilling secrets that only he can see. Sometimes he makes me forget that he is shorter than me with just the power of his eyes, they make you feel as if you could drown in them yet still thirst for more.

I had never seen any emotion in those eyes until everything went wrong.

Until that day I lost everything I almost had.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

I felt imprisoned in that place for the first few weeks after the expedition. Spending every day getting control of my Titan abilities or just confined to stalk the hallways. Every night spent locked up below, although I had my capability well practised by then. I may have complained about the time I spent in that well, and later the woods, but in truth I didn't mind. Although most of my time was spent in Titan form and afterward I was so exhausted I barely made it to my bed, it was all worth it. It was worth it to hear Hanji's excited babbling and encouragement whenever I made progress. It was worth it to see that amused smirk that Levi gave whenever I celebrated my success rather...vocally. My habit of cursing obviously stemming from prolonged time spent with him.

My favourite sessions were the ones where, as Levi helped me carry my own exhausted body to my awaiting horse, he praised me. He would sometimes give me a pat on the back and say "Good job today brat." or something like that and those few words of appreciation filled me with such warmth and gave me enough strength to make it to the next day. Enough strength to survive through all the things I'd seen, all the things I was still seeing. Those words gave me the incentive to train event harder than before, even harder than when I was in the trainee corps.

After the first day Levi complimented me and gave me encouragement. A single day of many that Hanji gave me off to 'recuperate', I got up with the rising sun and immediately set out to find somewhere where I could do some extra physical training alone. I was competent with the 3DMG already so I didn't see the point of doing any extra work on that. I wouldn't have thought i'd be able to take my equipment out just for training anyway. I was still on a tight leash, well we all were after the murder of Bean and Sonny.

The only problem with my plan to do some extra work was finding a place to do it. Even though nobody would be awake at that hour in the morning I didn't want to use an extra room in HQ. I don't know why I felt this way, it may have been a slight insecurity that someone would find me. I wanted privacy in this act of self improvement, this revelation that I could do better. It felt so personal, this want, I felt like this was something I was doing for myself, and I wanted to do it alone.

When I awoke I got changed into a pair of loose fitting brown trousers and an even larger beige t-shirt. I had always thought that a growth spurt would have broadened me out a bit or even made me taller, but I'm still stuck at my average height and average weight. My clothes were obviously meant for someone a little larger than I was, probably borrowed from someone or taken from lost and found. After I dressed in my training attire I sat on my bed and thought again about where to go. For a moment I felt disheartened about my decision, thinking that it wasn't worth training at all if I couldn't find a place to do it, then I remembered.

I knew that somewhere nearby was a little area of dense woodland, these patches were once a sort of tourist attraction but not anymore. People were still timid to travel far from their homes since that day the colossal Titan first appeared for the fall of the Shignshina district. Things became even worse for said tourist attraction after the fall of wall Maria. The last time I had been to one of these places was my most recent expedition, the one that went so wrong. I chased away the thought of that terrible expedition with focusing all my attention on sliding on my knee-high boots and pulling my trousers out over them, then I went on my way.

I was especially careful when opening the door to my room. One of many along this long corridor of identical abodes, all belonging to members of the survey corps like me. I knew there was no danger of making a sound on the stone floors, the slight thud of my boots barely audible. But there was a possibility of squeaky hinges ruining my plan of escape. Thankfully as I pried the door open there was no such noise and when I was safely through the doorway I secured the latch with a slight click behind me. The first of many challenges inevitably set before me completed.

It felt strangely eerie being alone, walking the corridor of our sleeping quarters. I knew that behind the doors that I passed there were people resting, content in this very moment with their dreams. Not prepared to wake until absolutely necessary and even then they would grumble over the rim of their cups at breakfast at the injustice. I realised with a jolt that not behind every door would be someone dozing now, the last expedition had cost us many lives. Some closer than others, some I will never know the names of and some names I will never forget.

Being alone felt so strange, I don't think I'd ever been alone before that day. Every moment of my awake life had been spent with someone by my side, or someone aware of where I was and awaiting my return. I'd never had time to myself, a time with no restrictions or guidance, a time where I could be free. I had lived my life up until that moment always with a companion or someone watching out for me. As soon as my parents gave me a little responsibility I then had Mikasa, my own personal shadow around me. I wouldn't think for one second that I was ungrateful of that fact, Mikasa is a very important part of my life and she had been picking up all my slack and saving my life since I could remember. But not any more, i shouldn't have to rely on anyone to correct my mistakes.

With that thought still heavy in my mind I descended the stone steps that lead outside and rushed to the heavy wooden door that lead outside, eager to feel the slight warmth of the rising sun on my skin. As the sunrise came into sight I was not disappointed by the view. A violent slash of warm yellows, oranges, pinks and reds of day chased away the cold purples and blues of night. The woods that were my destination were perfectly silhouetted by the sun and cast a dramatic shadow over the flat plane of grass that stretched between the woods and I.

As soon as I was clear of my destination I set off on foot convinced that the slight trek would do me good, better than taking a horse at least. The feeling of solid yet uneven ground beneath my feet was comforting and I found my pace quickening. I was keen to get there as soon as possible as to increase my training time so i accelerated to a jog, pleased that I was also decreasing my warming up time. I enjoyed the heat that I soon felt spread throughout my body, the sensation of a cold morning breeze biting at my cheeks although the rest of my body was flushed with heat.

I reached the edge of the forest just as my heart began to beat in sync with the muffled thumps of my footsteps. I took a few moments to observe the beauty of the nature around me as I controlled my breathing. Those trees were so tall; taller than any tree from my childhood in Shiganshina. Although all I could associate with such beauty was the death of my comrades I was still left in awe by how peaceful it was in that moment. The trees were individual beings, swaying to their own dance and not involved in the concerns of us humans.

The path trampled through the woods filled me with apprehension. I expected at any moment for the female Titan emerge from where a slight bend in the road made it disappear from my view. I had to close my eyes for a few seconds to ward away the thunder of her footsteps that echoed in my ears. Levi had seemed unaffected by what happened on that expedition, the depletion of his own squad, him being the only surviving member. I knew that Levi would only choose people he trusted to be part of his team, he didn't place his trust easily yet he seemed unaffected by their deaths.

I banished the thought away again, although no matter how many times I tried they always returned. My steps were furtive at first on the well worn ground but held new vigour as the prospect of improvement filled my thoughts yet again. The further I traveled around the bend the less of the entrance to the woodland I could see, that calmed me somehow. I immersed myself fully into the peace I felt, my mind at one with the soft caress of the rising sun and the slight brush of the morning breeze on my skin. I was disturbed from my harmony by a sudden noise.

The sound that invaded my tranquil state was a sequence of sharp exhalations coming from down the path. The sound stopped me in my tracks. As far as I knew no animal would make that sound, it was too loud, too human. I was scared, I was scared to find out who would be here at this hour, and what they were doing. I wondered why they would be out here, to beat me here they must have gotten up way before the rising sun. I took timid steps towards the sound, trying to be as stealthy as I could so I didn't alert the person.

As I started to slowly round the corner the noise became clearer in my head. The noise was familiar to me after many days doing drills in the trainee corps. But there was something different about this persons breathing whilst they worked out. It was controlled, measured, disciplined breathing. It wasn't the desperate gasping and wheezing I heard from those trainees whilst they worked out, it was a well practised technique to improve your endurance and stamina. That person's breathing was soothing, not erratic like most peoples heavy breathing. It gave the definite impression of the elegance of a refined skill to improve effectiveness.

I finally creeped around the corner and hid behind a tree as the person came into sight. He moved with such grace, each punch he gave to the air punctuated by the rhythmic exhalation I heard before. His naked back was all that faced me. Every time his arm extended into another perfect imaginary blow I could see the muscles in his brawny back tighten. I could indentify from just his back that this person was Levi. His trousers were slung low on his hips just like mine and were black as night, which matched his hair perfectly. My breathing stopped for a moment as I comprehended the contrast of the dark trousers to the pale skin of his lower back. I started to blush when I felt the sudden and unfamiliar urge to trace my hands over the top of those trousers, barely touching the skin above it, and cup my hands on those narrow hips.

In that split second I felt so confused, I had never felt like that with another man. No woman had made me feel that way, to have such a craving to explore that smooth expanse of skin. It was so tempting to sneak up and place my cold hands on the undoubtable warmth of his body, to run my hands over those bunching muscles. I knew for a fact his skin would be flushed, almost feverish to the touch from all the exercise he seemed to have done, why else would he have his shirt off?

The urge obviously came from my envy of his muscles, right? Envious that he could be agile and lithe even with such a short stature. I knew I wasn't attracted to men in that way, so obviously that was the case. I had always wished to be more muscular, more able. I had thought that this training would result in exactly that happening, me not having to rely on people as much. Not have to be saved. I still couldn't get over how I felt in that moment though, the pure adoration i had for his self-discipline. The way he was so controlled, not hot-headed like me. How he had trained so hard to get those muscles and how devoted he must be to any cause he thinks worthy.

"I know you're there, what are you doing here brat?" Levi's monotone voice cut through my thoughts like a knife.


End file.
